Today's appointment was awful. The baby looked bigger and more developed than last time on the ultrasound. I could even see little arms and legs, but the Doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. I cannot even describe what a horrible feeling it is to hear the Doctor say again, "I don't know how to tell you this..." I knew what was coming after that. He said the baby measured about 9 weeks. Which means it's heart probably stopped beating about a week and a half ago since I am 10 weeks and 4 days today.
Thankfully, we were able to schedule the D&C for today. The last thing I wanted to do is to have to wait over the weekend like last time. My Mom was with me at the appointment. She and I walked over to the day surgery section of the Hospital and checked in. Kyle came and met us there. Luckily they were able to get me in pretty quickly and we were driving away from the hospital finished with the procedure by 2:15.
Since this is the second time in a row, the Doctor will be sending the baby and the tissue to be analyzed. There are only a couple of things they could find that would explain the miscarriages. If it's due to chromosomal abnormalities, they may be able to see that, but that's about it. Also, many times the tests come back inconclusive, so we have to be prepared that we might not learn much. They will be able to tell us if it was a boy or a girl. They should have the results in 10-14 days.
Thank you to everyone for all your kind words and prayers. And thanks to all of you who offered to come by. I couldn't really handle visitors today. I'm still in a bit of shock and denial right now and trying not to think about it too much. When I see people I love who are hurting for me, it just reminds me that something so sad and unfair just happened to me. It's hard to explain. Kyle and I both feel incredibly lucky to be so cared about by so many wonderful friends and family.
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